The “Actual” Great Debate

J.K: *talking to her characters* If anyone has anything they wish to say, speak now or forever hold your peace.

Snape: “I believe I have something to say…not to insult your writing Mrs. Rowling, but c’mon. I’m a good guy, I haven’t committed any major crimes other than casting a few Unforgivable Curses here and there, but that’s besides the point. My point is that I’ve been doing some reading, and for some unknown reason I seem to be the character you pick on the most and….

Harry: *interrupting Severus* YOU?!?! she picks on YOU the most??? I live in a shoe closet, with a family that can’t stand me! Not to mention that in just about every book I always end up in a huge battle with a new bad guy that almost kills me. Every. Single. Time.

J.K: Boys boys, that’s enough. Let’s settle this in a sophisticated manner. Both of you present your best points, and even though I (as the author) know who I favored and least favored in the series, will tell you who won me over in your “debate”.

Snape & Harry: *both start arguing over each other*

Hermione: HEYYYY! *silence* please just shut up. Harry, you go first, and Professor Snape you can go after him. Let’s all be adults about this.

Harry: Thank you Hermione. As I was saying, you’ve just about killed me seven different times lady. One time by a guy who literally had 2 faces. One near death experience was thanks to a giant snake for crying out loud, and another in some stupid TriWizard Tournament that I didn’t even sign up for!

Snape: My turn! Harry I have a question for you. You complain about all your close encounters with death but, are you dead?

Harry: ….no

Snape: WELL I AM! SHE KILLED ME. I shouldn’t even have to continue arguing my point because that should win it, but I’m going to keep the ball rolling anyways. Harry, she let your mother pick your father over me, and he was just about the most horrid person I had ever met, besides your godfather. And then Mrs. Hot Shot Author over here decides to keep reminding me of my failure with Lily by giving me you as a student! The only thing I am thankful for is that she let me be absolutely terrible to you without Dumbledore ever coming to your rescue.

Harry: *silent*

Snape: HA. Cat got your tongue Harry? Or are you just surrendering because you finally realize that I did in fact get the raw end of the deal in these books.

J.K Rowling: Is that how you feel Harry?

Harry: …I have had the wizarding world’s most known, wanted, and feared murderer after me since I was a baby. And yes, I did actually have to die for a short period of time in order to finally defeat him.

*whole room goes silent*

Harry: I rest my case.

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